Many people who were raised by emotionally immature parents were programmed not just to put their parent's needs first, but to put theirs last. This subconscious habit often leads to a life-long struggle with a sense of unworthiness.
This article highlights practical advice provided during a recent conversation we had with Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson - author of Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents & Who You Were Meant To Be on the topic of breaking free from patterns of self-neglect.
Recognition Is Always The First Step
The journey to self-prioritization starts with the recognition that you might be putting yourself last in a whole host of situations, likely as a result of deep-rooted beliefs imposed during early childhood. By taking an honest look at where you rank on your own list of priorities, you open up the possibility of taking action to move yourself up the list.
Challenging Deep-seated Beliefs
Dr. Gibson emphasizes the importance of challenging these ingrained beliefs of unworthiness. This isn't about quick affirmations but engaging in a deeper process to question these old narratives critically. To effectively challenge these beliefs, Dr. Gibson recommends an exercise of writing down the negative beliefs and reading them aloud regularly.
You read it out loud to yourself every morning and every evening for two weeks.
This somewhat counter-intuitive practice, similar to repeating a word over and over until it has lost all meaning, helps your brain to start questioning these beliefs, reducing their emotional impact and gradually allowing you to view them as less credible.
Resource: Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal
Engaging in Reflective Practices
When you have that thought that "Oh, I feel unworthy - or I'm putting myself last," you have opened up the possibility that you can change. - Lindsay Gibson
Spend a week, or even just a day, reflecting on all decisions and behaviors you make that come from a sense of obligation and feelings of unworthiness rather than out of genuine interest or desire. By tracking where and when these patterns show up, you begin putting together the puzzle of self-neglect, allowing you to devise strategies that you can employ the next time those impulses arise.
Implementing Sustainable Changes
Change is a continuous process that involves setting small, achievable goals that affirm your worth. Whether it's asserting your needs in relationships, prioritizing your professional ambitions, or simply taking time out for self-care, each step builds towards a healthier self-image and reinforces the belief that you deserve to put yourself first.
Conclusion
The process of overcoming the ingrained belief of unworthiness is complex but undoubtedly achievable. By recognizing and challenging our natural mental impulses, and practicing new, affirming behaviors, you can fundamentally change how you see yourself and interact with the world. This new self-perception not only enhances your own life but also transforms your interactions with others.
To continue exploring the impact of a childhood spent with emotionally immature parents, visit the Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents Intensive, a comprehensive course built in collaboration with psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson that will help you navigate the healing process. Remember, you are worth the effort!